I just watched Prozac nation for the first time, and man can I relate. Ive gotten a lot better tho, but without the meds. I was on them for a long time but ultimately that’s not what helped me in any sense. The main char in the movie tho was a bit more outgoing than I, I just isolated more and feel deeper into my own hole. But I can relate to the desperation, the need, the depression, the emotional outbreaks..
I went up to the greenspot the other day (gardening store in Alamosa). I was looking for a cheap big leafy plant in the hopes it would add humidity to the greenhouse and solve our nothing-is-sprouting problem. I got to talking at the lady behind the counter, who was just there volunteering actually while the owner is away for her moms funeral.her jaw dropped when I told her we got the dirt from the mushroom farm. She told me that for years she has been trying to grow in that soil, has added to it and added to it but nothing will grow. She says they sterilize it and its worthless. Another lady (with vertical forehead wrinkles, the middle one looking like the only part of her body that hadn’t tanned in the sun, an odd appearance) came in and said the same thing. Also someone at the local food coalition meeting told me that also, and also the guy running the True Value hardware store.Three people tell you your drunk, lie down. Well,Im definitely wasted.
The moon has been rising late, low, and orange.
There is another stray cat hanging about. It sits outside my window crying. I don’t know what to do. Don’t tell Eric this, but I dumped some wet cat food out my window for it. Eric is really adverse to helping it. I think it’s a girl. Shes beautiful. Actually, I think its Maya. I dreamt her but I couldn’t see what she looked like.
They opened the ditch. And then opened it more. A bit of flooding but some holes dug all down the ditch before it reaches our culvert helps. We’re allowed to take from it now anyhow, says Lawrence Gallegos.
I need to exercise more. Play FFXI less. I haven’t been playing excessively, but still im starting to not want to do much else. Or at least just be alone. Wander outside and then come and sit in my room and write, smoke weed, play ffxi. Im tryin out some bots. Officially im against botting but I love to mod things, and was curious. Its mostly just fishing and crafting bots anyhow, which isn’t a big deal. They kinda suck anyways and you have to babysit them.
Its almost 1 am. Im gonna go for a brief walk and smoke an American spirit ultra lite (how pansy is that?) and call for pazu.